6 Jan, Wednesday

My last salsa lesson. I can’t believe how time flies. It has been 3 months back since I started learning salsa dance. Although I had been dancing for 3 months, my skills still sucks like hell. I was asking around whether anyone is going for the next Intermediate Improver 1 lesson & only a handful of my course mates told me they are going while the rest simply had a ‘wait & see’ attitude. I don’t think I will be going for the next advance class. My salsa ‘kaki’ seemed to have dispersed and I think I should try something different for a change.

Paul took a photo of me in salsa studio.… I hope we will still keep in contact.

3 Jan, Monday

Have a dinner date with Shiryee, Davina, Eelvin & Gin. Initially wanted to meet up at Cityhall but Gin called at the last minute saying there is a change of venue. We are meeting in Plaza Singapura instead... Haiz.. thought I could drop by Esplanade library for a while if we are meeting in Cityhall instead.

I rushed all the way to Plaza Singapura and I feel very self-concious when I spotted Davina they all looking at me & whispering while I’m heading towards their direction.

I was so sensitive that I blurted out to them,” I know something!!” They all looked at me in excitement thinking I was kinda revealed some latest gossips and news and were anticipating anxiously til I said aloud,” You all must be gossiping about me while on my way here right?”

They burst out laughing when they heard what I had commented. They simply brushed it off and said I’m too sensitive & they sweared they never said anything or gossiping about me at all.

We headed down to Mos Burger to have dinner and I’m such a glutton! I ordered a Teriyaki Chicken Burger Meal with fries, burger and milk tea. Not feeling full enough, I ordered a corn soup & salad.. I spent $11 in total on food alone! Oh my good... I thought my new year resolution is to slim down to 45kg and below? I’m getting more & more paranoid and weight conscious... Feel abit like Bridget Jones... maybe I’m too engrossed in reading the novel that I feel I’m like her in certain way.. we all woman are neurotic freak!

Shiryee told me her prawn fritters that she ordered had never come and the waiter had missed out. I’m a bit too rushed and said,” I’m going to the counter to demand the prawn fritters. If they decline my order, I’m going to make a fuss & complaint.”

I walked to the counter without smiling and tell them straight that they had missed out my order.

I think I must have looked fierce because they all looked very frightened and they even send a small packet of fries as a apology to me. Well, good service recovery anyway...

Actually I’m not really pissed off, is just that I went up to them without smiling(I look really fierce when I don’t smile) and ordered them in a demanding tone...

Gin took out some forms and handed a copy to me, Davina & Shiryee. It turned out to be ‘Miss Singapore Universe’ beauty contest. Davina immediately returned it back saying she is not qualified. The contest demands all ladies to be 1.65m & above but Davina is only 1.56m. I returned back to her too because:

1. My complexion. figure is too way below average to qualified & join ‘Miss Singapore Universe’.

2. My company has a very strict rules & regulations and doesn’t allow its staff to appear on TV, take up any part time job without their consent.

3. I’m only 1.58m tall

I gave her an excuse saying I’m too short. Shiryee also said she can’t join because she is born in Malaysia and not in Singapore. Hence, she is not eligible to join as well.

Gin sounded disappointed. I suspected she wanted to join the contest is due to peer pressure. There are many NTU gals in her school rushing to join the beauty contest and she doesn’t wanna lose out too. With Gin’s sweet smile & charismatic natural beauty, I think she will definitely qualified for the contest.

We chit-chat til 9.15pm then we went upstairs for our movies ,”Meet The Fockers”.

It is damn hilarious. Maybe is because I didn’t place high hopes on this movie since I didn’t really like the first sequel, “Meet The Parent.”

Anyway, did enjoy myself with this movie. By the time I took MRT & reach YCK. It is already 11.55pm. I had missed the last bus. Shit! Had to spend $7.35 for the cab home plus midnight surcharge.

4 Jan, Tuesday

I’m feeling jealous!! Sucks.. it has been so long since I feel jealous of someone... I think I had been living with this ‘bo chup’ attitude for past few years til I forget what is the feeling of jealousy like...(not including that Nichola bitch incident)

I’m in a bad mood today. Unexplainable. I suspect I’m having PMS or my menstrual period is coming soon.

I was talking to Geri about my Flea Mart event & Audrey happens to be around. Told her about some changes to be made in the publicity banner & Audrey added that Geri should hold on & wait a while before designing the banner for bowling event. She said she might consider putting the sponsor’s logo & I asked her which company is sponsoring. She replied is XYZ energy drinks sponsoring us. I had never heard of that company before and asked her for more details. She said she is not too sure because it is Ruying who sourced for this sponsorship.

I'm getting more & more neronic, petty, getting jealous over small matters, being childish. Oh God... When will I grow up? I'm acting like a small pampered spolit brat....

Dec 29, Wednesday

My salsa dance class again. Heard from my classmates that today is the last class. Am horrified to know that. Realize is false alarm as Aaron told us next week is the last class.

I won’t be continuing the salsa class. The fees are too expensive. The Intermediate Improver 1 lesson cost $98 for 6 lessons.... plus I think I’m not that really passionate about salsa....

I rather save the money for French lesson, Japanese lesson, Wakeboarding or scuba diving lesson.

I head down to Zouk for Mambo Night. Paul & Adrian from my salsa class tagged along with me. Paul & I went to have supper at the nearby coffeshop while Adrian went back home to change.

When I approach the street leading to the coffeshop, I sensed a familarity. I realise I had been here before with Charlene, Kelvin (when they were still dating), Bee & me and we had nasi lemak nearby.

After supper, meet up with Adrian and took a cab to Zouk.

Am horrified to learn that there was a long queue outside Zouk. I’m puzzled... I have never encountered such a long queue in Zouk Mambo before. Gin told me because it is the last Mambo of the year(last wednesday of 2004) and plus the young kids are going back to school next week... No wonder.

We queue up for waited for 2 hours before we were allowed in. We were pissed off with the bouncer because they told Gin & Davina to queue up at the line leading to entrance in Phuture while the guys stayed in the queue. The guy’s queue were moving fast because they were paying the entrance fees while it is ladie’s night and we ladies no need to pay a cent at all.

Adrian sms me twice to sms me whether am I in during the 2 hours wait.

We jumped queue to Zouk’s entrance and finally gotten in. It is really very crowded and squeezy and I had difficulty locating Adrian & Paul. I wanted to place my bag at the bag deposit counter but with all the people lining up in front of me, I gave up and head downstairs to look for the gals.

I got lost when Davina & gang moved down to dancefloor. Luckily Davina managed to spot us and we were dancing in a corner and there were so many ‘buaya’ guys trying to use lame pick up lines to know us and brushing us so many times. I didn’t really enjoyed dancing in such a limited space.

The crowd got lesser around 2am and Gin pointed at a plump gal dancing on the platform. She said, “ This girl tried to compete with me in NTU ballet’ Shiryee & me looked at her and gave Gin a disgusted look. The plump gal looked really gross with her flapping her hands wilding and swaying so hard I’m scared she will push all her pretty girlfriends off the platform. Haha...

Gin’s friend-Terrence were around too and both of us feel uncomfortable seeing each other. (don’t know why)

We gals decided to occupy the platform and danced our way. I feel so self-concious dancing on top that I didn’t danced really wildly and seemed boring with all the same dance steps. I decided to step down and I indeed danced more wildly and happily below.

I danced beside Adrian and being nosy, asked him who was the prettiest among my friends. He pointed out Davina and I’m not surprised. She looked pretty and wild with her dancing on the platform unconsciously. I asked him how about Gin& Shiryee? He said Davina & me were the prettiest.. haha.. think he is trying to make me happy by giving this comment.

We left Zouk at around 4am and we were dilly-dallying considering whether to head down to have supper.

In the end, we decided not to and since I got to work tomorrow at 9am...

I feel so tired on our way back that I nearly dosed off when Wenlong was chatting with me. I suspected he was ‘hinting’ something to me as we were talking about relationships and me being single... he said maybe I could trying finding a pilot as a boyfriend.. (he was a pilot in his NS Days and might be a pilot serving for Singapore Armforce when he finished his university in SMU) I don’t know whether I’m being sensitive but I brushed it off

I’m not ready to get into a relationship yet.

Dec 31, Friday

Half day in office today. Literally not in the mood to work. Am counting down to 1pm where I’m officially off work! Yeah~ Going to meet up with Shiryee, Davina to celebrate New Year countdown. I’m feeling frustrated as they always can’t make up their mind where to go for celebration. They are stuck between celebrating it in Davina’s house or go clubbing.

I will choose to celebrate in Davina’s house instead coz:

1. Clubbing and counting down on New Year’s Eve will be fucking expensive. The entrance fees will be 1 or 2 times more expensive than its usual price

2. I don’t really feel like dancing all night long. Especially with the tsunami disaster happening near our area, the mood for partying had been dampen by the tragedy.

Found out from Janet that I make the least donation for the tsunami tragedy. Most of my colleagues donating $50 and above while I’m donating merely $10. Feeling embarrassed by it. Was contemplating whether to donate more but decoded against it coz I got so many things to paid for.... my driving fees, my part time studies in SIM.

Called Eric up to meet him for a short while. Wanna pass him his belated x’mas pressie. Unfortunately, it rained heavily and at that moment in time, I really feel like leaving the present in office and passing it to him another day as it is a hassle to bring it out and soaking the present wet from the rain.

I make up my mind to bring it out instead as that was the main reason why I wanna meet up with him. I reached Tampines interchange, paid my credit card bill in Isetan and also gotten a shopping bag to place the presents.

I arrived at Citihall first and went window shopping. Managed to browse through some clothes in Mango store and none caught my eye. Great~ Manage to minimise damage of my pockets.... heehee...

Eric arrived shortly and the moment I saw him afar wearing pink shirt, I make a crude & straightforward comment: “ Eeewwkkk... why are you wearing pink colour? It is so disgusting!”

Eric’s face changes and gave me a very unahppy look. “Thanks lor,” was his reply. Shit! I made him angry... it was meant to be a joke and I think the joke went a bit too far as he also seemed frustrated about the huge crowds in the shopping mall. We decided on having lunch in food court instead and went to Esplanade library to find his Angela’s Ashes book.

I was confident that the library will have the book as I saw 2 book on the shelves 1 week ago. When we reached there, we searched frantically and to our disappointment; unable to find the book we wanted. He told me he is very unlucky as he always can’t seemed to borrow the books he wanted and luck is always not on his side. I tried to console him by saying he is uttering rubbish and will help him to look out for the story book he wanted.

We stayed in the library browsing books and I managed to get hold of Marilyn Monroe’s picture book. Hmm... I feel that she looked much better when she was a red-head instead of going platinum blonde.. think her platinum blonde look is so fake...

We stayed til 5pm where the library closes. Eric and I were amazed how fast time flies. I asked him to accompany me to Carrefour to buy some cakes and tidbits to Davina’s house and we shopped around in Carrefour. I ended up buying Cheesecake and donuts. Total damage? Less than $10 only...

After finishing shopping for groceries, seeing that I had a bit of time left, went to sit outside Carrefour shopping centre and chit chat a while. We were chatting for about 20 minutes and it started to rain heavily. I looked at my watch and horrified to learn I’m going to be late! Eric opened up his umbrella and he put his arm around me while the 2 of us rushed inside the building to refuge shelter. I felt weird that he put his arm around me and for a moment, my feeling were confused.

He walked me to the MRT and we bid goodbye there.

I took the train to all the way to Woodland and luckily I had my Bridget Jone’s Diary Novel with me otherwise I will dies of boredom on the long journey.

I was so engrossed in the novel that I realised I had missed my stop and had to take a train back to Woodlands again.

When I reached there, saw Shiryee & Weide queuing up to purchase KFC.

We aboarded Weide’s car shortly and I noticed Shiryee & Weide keep on arguing. I can sensed the tension in their tone of voices and I realised that they indeed had a rocky relationship currently from the way they responded to each other. It was no longer that sweet and longing gazes into each others eyes, teasing each other mischievously. I’m worried about them and sighed at how simple sweet love can turned sour....

On the way to Davina’s house, Shiryee told me she was glad I’m no longer with Richie, I told her today was the 1 year anniversary where he & the 3^rd party bitch were dating.

She was amazed I could remebered their date and I merely brushed it off saying because I remembered I begged him to patch up with me on 1^st January last year. She said I deserved a much better guy than Richie and I agreed her sentences too.

Arrived at Davina’s house and we 3 gals were chit chatting about the tsunami tragedy while the guys went and took the pizzas we ordered.

When the pizzas finally arrived, we took all the food up to Davina’s room and were pigging out with the pizzas, potato chips, cheesecakes, KFC chickens...

Shiryee also helped me to untangle the huge lump of untangled hair ever since I permed my hair. She took 1 hour and still could not untangle my stubborn knot. She joked that I’m like a tai-tai, reading Cosmopolitan magazines, sitting in front of a TV with the screen doubling as ‘mirror’ & Shiryee as ‘hairdresser’ helping me to untangle my hair. She gace up eventually, asked for my permission and cut off my untangle bunch of hair... I feel heart pain at that moment but I feel more comfortable. I no longer have to sleep with a feeling of a bunch of hair under my neck...

We surfted the internet, played video games all the way to 12 am and we also set up a mahjong table to play tile games... I’m surprised I’m having fun despite having thoughts of boring countdown before I headed to Davina’s house.

Weide fall asleep and Shiryee feel fearful he will get angry. She leaves Davina’s house reluctantly and Eelvin offered to send me back home. So sweet of him.

I arrived home at 5am and sleep straightaway.

1 Jan 05, Saturday

New Year Day!! I woke up at around 11am and laze around the house doing nothing. Shiryee sms me asking me whether I wanna go KTV but I didn’t see her messages as I’m browsing magazines downstair while my handphone is on my bedroom at 2^nd level. By the time I sms her back saying I don’t mind going KTV with her, is already 3.30pm.

She replied back saying I’m late in replying her and suggested having dinner & clubbing at Dbl O later.

I agreed and went up to my brother’s room wanting to serach and watch some VCDs. I discovered upon he had some new porno VCD and decided to watch some... haha...

I started preparing myself at around 6pm as I’m supposed to meet them at 7.30pm in Bugis, I ended up leaving house at 6.45pm.. Whoah.. I’m late...

My outfit for that day is ‘retro theme’. Wearing turtoquise-blue sleeveless top with a black round ring accessory the collar plus white mini skirt with pleats. I paired up with my white pointed high heels shoes , dark green MAC pigments eyeshadow on my eyelids & white round shapped ear rings....  Voila, I’m a retro queen!

Meet up with Bee first and she came to find me in Kinokuniya.... I was browsing the magazines and we went to MacDonald to wait for them.

They arrived about 15 minutes later and we headed up to Billy Bombers to have our dinner.

Ordered milk shake and Cod Fish & Chip for myself.. Feel so guilty & sinful after last night’s feast.

We were early in Dbl O. There were no queue at all and we have some alcoholic drinks. I ddin’t drink much as I feared drinking ever since my drunken state in Mambo Zouk. I made a casual remark why Ben(Weide’s brother) didn’t come to Zouk & they all teased me saying I’m missing Ben... aarrrgghhh.. they always like to tease me with Ben...

We danced and the music is boring. Were dancing on the platform and Wenlong spotted me. Ha...  Also saw Ah-wei and Shiryee were talking to him. I noticed Weide rushing over and Shiryee stepped down from the platform. They stepped aside and seemed to be arguing again. I suspected Weide feel paranoid about Shiryee talking to guys and rushed over. Shiryee tried to calm him down and explaining things to no avail. They left and Shiryee send an sms to me that reads,” Weide not feeling well. Need to go off. Enjoy yourself. Can you help me to keep my bag?”

We danced til 1.50am where the music turned to R&B (boring) and we left the club.

Hmm... thinking hard of my New Year Resolution for 2005. Well, I never keep and fulfilledf any of them anyway but I think I will list them out nontheless

New Year Resolution For 2005

1. Slim down to 45kg

2. Not to be so stingy even though I’m saving for my university fees

3. Pamper myself and treat my skin complexion

4. No buying and lavishing on expensive skincare products anymore

    (I have too much at home)

5. Not to eat even when I don’t feel hungry at all

6. Cut down on snacking

7. Have more self-confident of myself

8. Get my driving license by this year

9. Be more mature and stop acting like a kid

10. Read more books and feast myself with knowledge

Dec 23 Thursday,

Nothing much to do in office. In x’mas mood today. Is my ex-Richie’s birthday. Doesn’t really miss him but was wondering who is he celebrating the birthday with.... Have a date with Gin and we are going to Dbl O to party!!

Actually I don’t really have the mood to go partying... Flashback to a year ago, I remember I was standing outside in Devil’s Bar smsing my ex... I was really not in the mood for parting at that time too....

I was supposed to meet them at Dbl O at 10pm.. I was feeling tired and it is only 7.20pm and has nowhere to go... I ended up killing time by reading my Thomas Harris novel. There were a few more pages to go and I finally completed my story

I met up with Gin in the end and was queuing up at Double O. Gin’s 2 underage friend brought 2 underage male friend.. as expected.. we can’t enter because the guys are underage and we are being ‘suan’ sarcastically by the door bitch... She was saying aloud,” Oh my god! They are only 15 year old and they are pleading me to let them in... My goodness...” I feel so embarrassed and so many pairs of eyes are like staring at me....

In the end, they decided to head down to Boat Quay and I decided not to... I headed home and spend my time watching bits part in DVD and read a couple of sentences on my storybook...

That is how I spend my day....

Dec 24,  Friday

Working half day in office. Everyone was in x’mas mood... I’m counting down to 1pm where I’m officially off! Was troubled about where to head to and I called up Eric. He was intending to head home after working as he is very tired but he was sweet enough to meet up with me.

On my way there, I was contemplating whether to pass the x’mas present I intended to give to Davina to him instead... Decided against it as I don’t wanna spend money buying another present...

Meet up with him in Bugis and we went for lunch in Pasta Mania... We ordered spaghetti and pizza. We were eating merrily and Jane joined us with Faye...

Faye looked very pretty with good complexion... when both of them went to ordered food... I shake my head and told Eric... “I can’t believe why will u choose Kate over Faye? Faye seems like a nice, sweet gal, less bitchy and much prettier than Kate.”  He gave me a frustrated look and said,” Stop it! I know is my mistake for not choosing Faye but is already history betwwen me & her.”

I then learned to keep my mouth shut. Faye and Jane appeared a moment later with their salad, soup & bread. I looked at them with an astonished look

and said,” That is your lunch for the day? That seems so little!”

Eric tauted me,” That is what women should eat... little meals and healthy!” Sucks... I feel so guilty seeing them eating so little while I ate so much..

I’m abit jealous to see Jane lost weight and had a slimmer waist and figure. I asked Jane whether I had put on weight and she said,” A bit... Your face is more chubbier.” AAARRRGGHHH..... that is the last thing I wanna hear....

Seeing that the time is still early, we went to shop around in Bugis... Eric gave us a bored look... he doesn’t like shopping especially with all the crowds in Bugis...

We settled down in a cafe at Liang Seah Street which is a 5 minute walk away from Bugis Junction. The place is cool!! It has those movie posters and gave a olden ‘pub-restaurant’ feel that are always being portrayed in Hollywood movies....  The restaurant resembles the one in movie ‘Pulp Fiction’... haha...

We chit chat and I’m amazed to find that Jane had went for SIA interview few days ago... I was thinking, “If Jane can get in, then I will definitely be an air stewardess!” I’m so bad!!

I departed the cafe at 6pm... taking a train to Bukit Batok to meet up with Davina. Eelvin send us to her house in his van.

There was not much to do in her house. We spend the night playing games, reading magazine, chit chatting... not a very fun ‘countdown’ christmas we had.... Shiryee called up Davina to let her know she can’t make it for the return flight and she had to spend her x’mas in KL alone. She sounded so upset and my heart goes to her... x’mas will not be so merry after all without her.

We went home at about 2am and it is quite a boring x’mas spend...

Dec 25, Saturday

X’mas Day!! I spend my day watching DVD of ‘A Midnight Clear’ starring Ethan Hawke. I had a good time goggling him on screen. I went downstairs intending to suft the net and I feel so frustrated that the computer breaks down again... Sucks Big Time!

I spent the rest of the evening sleeping.... until I received a phonecall from Shiryee. My dad woke me up from sleep and told me someone was looking for me. My instinct told me that it was Shiryee and indeed is her! She asked me whether I wanna go clubbing in Double O. Seriously, I don’t feel like clubbing as I’m so comfortable in my bed and doesn’t feel like stepping out of the house.

I was contemplating whether to go as Shiryee sounded disappointed I gave her a negative answer.

I walked around in the house and finally make up my mind to go. I didn’t wanna spend my lonely x’mas alone all in the room and rather have fun out with friends.

I reached Double O at around 11.00pm and we went in. Surprisingly, the crowds wasn’t as much as we expected. I’m surprised to see Serene there!! My ex-classmate in poly. We chatted a little and I’m amazed to learn she is working in an affiliated company as me!

We danced abit and accompanied xinjuan to the ladies. I was in the loo when I saw someone had left her handphone there. I was stunned for a moment and was considering whether to take it or return to the owner. I make up my mind to take it in the end.

I left the loo and approached Gin wanting to keep the handphone in my bag. I was on my way to loo again when I overheard a lady in black told her friend to call her handphone coz she left her phone inside. I pretended not to hear anything and left really quickly. I feel guilty about what I had done.

We danced and the music was getting boring... it was ‘R & B’ and shiryee also ‘disappeared’. Gin sms her and she replied she is talking something with Rongli. We were getting bored and decided to find shiryee downstairs. We managed to find Rongli and asked him what he is chatting with shiryee... He replied nothing and said shiryee just accompanied him & his friend and listened to their conversation thats all...

Sensing that shiryee is really drunk, we all headed home at around 2am.... Quite a boring x’mas day I had.

Photos taken at Dbl-O by their staff:

Dec 26, Sunday

Spend my whole day reading ‘Girl with Pearl Ear Ring’ & ‘How to make an American Quilt’ DVD. The movie is so touching that I cried in some scenes....

Another boring day spend at home... I’m getting more and more anti-social...

Dec 27, Monday

I’m sitting in Aslena’s computer typing this. Went to suft net for a while at the central computer. Reading Nichola’s bitch entries and I’m abit shocked and jealous to know they have patched back again... haiz...

Why can’t I move on completely? I thought I don’t love him anymore... why do I still feel jealous that Nichola & him are back together again?

It is a rare sight to see Shiryee back in Singapore ever since she is posted to KL for her work project. I’m meeting her & Gin in Outram Park and going to support Bee singing in cafe. Before that, I’m making a trip down to Esplanade to return my Thomas Harris novel, ‘Taking Lives’ novel, ‘How To make an American Quilt’ DVD & ‘A Midnight Clear DVD’.

I spend some time in the library browsing the titles and I borrowed 4 DVDs in the end. Was hesitating whether to borrow ‘Hush’ by Gwyneth Paltrow & Jessica Lange but decided that my Ethan Hawke’s movie, ‘White Fang’ wins hands down.  The other 3 movie titles I borrowed is ‘The Hours’, ‘Chocolat’ & ‘The truth about cats & dogs’.

By the time I stepped out of Esplanade library, it is already 8.15pm. My gosh! I spend nearly half an hour in the library! I rushed to meet Gin and feel so apologetic about her waiting for me for nearly 15 minutes. We bought a Taiwan pizza on our way to the cafe as I’m so hungry!

Gin told me that Shiryee is meeting us at the cafe as she had a date with Darren. We both feel worried about her as she likes Darren and her relationship with her bf is so rocky.... I’m afraid she might do foolish things and two-time the guys...

I ordered a Japanese Bento set while watching Bee performing away. I was gazing at one of the long-hair guy and he resemblances Eddie from my polytechnic. He looks so hunky!

Shiryee arrived 1 hour later and told us the reason why she meet up with Darren. She is being frank to him and told him she got a boyfriend and ask him to give up chasing her... She feel so sad because she likes Darren yet can’t give up her bf-Weide too...

I think I can understand her feelings. In this society, monogamy is accepted throughout the world and if you love more than one person, you are being deemed and labeled as unfaithful... unless you are Muslim where they can accept marrying more than 1 wife.... otherwise you are being known to the whole wide world that you are a jerk/bitch!

I can sensed Shiryee still like Dareen... Oh no!!

After Bee finished her singing gig, we headed down to nearby coffeshop for a drink. Bee told me that 3 guy friends said I’m pretty and wanna get to know me better.. haha... I’m flattered by their comments.... seriously, I think I’m not really that pretty that day.. maybe I’m lucky they only spotted me in the cafe!!

Shiryee asked Darren along and it turns out to be a disappointment for us. She described Darren til he is so hunky, so interesting and so fun to be with that we are kinda disappointed that it didn’t turned out the way we expected.

Darren looks slightly a bit like Thai and Pierre-Png look-alike with tanned built, goatee and boyish puppy-doe eyed look....

He is not that good-looking as I expected. He is so shy that he seemed boring to us... nothing much to talk about.... sianz... I can’t see what’s so good about him...

We departed the place at around 1am.. by the time I reached home is already 2am.. Had to wake up mum to open the gate & door for me...

Tuesday, 28 December

Had a date with Eric. Actually I don’t feel like going because I’m quite tired.... Me being the itchy mouth, I told him I’m free today and he suggested meeting up later in the evening... is hard for me to turn him down and I went ahead despite wanting to go home very much.

Reached Orchard at around 7.15pm. Walked around and I finally get to browse some clothes in Mango store ever since they started their 50% discount. Their clothes kind of sucks and 70% are winter wear on sale.... I guess I’m late in grabbing good buys. The Mango sale is on since 23 December.

We browse through some stores and also checked out the Orchard library. Eric told me he was looking for a book and I accompanied him to  the computer for searching book titles. I was shocked to see he typed in, “Angela’s Ashes”! That was the book I wanted to borrow too! I think Eric & I had some kind of connections sometimes. I managed to find my ‘Bridget Jones Diary’ finally and also browsed through the Chinese storybook section. I’m keen to borrow ‘The Red Chamber’ which is a very famous Chinese literature. Eric gave me a look when he heard about it and told me he can’t imagine someone like me will read such an artistic book....

We settled our dinner in KFC and I treated Eric for his dinner. We headed down to Checkers Cafe for some drinks before heading home.

I feel that Eric is my soulmate sometimes but yet I’m afraid of getting too involved with him. He is my best male friend where I will share all my thoughts and secrets with.

He is someone that I’m comfortable with and I’m glad to stay as good friends with him for 3 years. I do question myself whether I like/love him but I’m afraid that being getting involved with him in a relationship will ruin my friendship with him. What happens if we are no longer a couple together? Will we be able to remain as close as before and remain as close friend too?

 I do love him in certain extend as a friend and I really care about him. I find that I’m preventing myself from falling in love with anyone at the moment...

Wednesday, 29 December

Nearly had an unhappy encounter with my colleague Ruying. I think I’m a little too harsh and too critical of her. I’m supposing in-charge of the upcoming New Year Talk and in future she will be the one handling all the talks.

I don’t know why but I keep on wanting to do all the tasks for the New Year Talk and preferably handling it all by myself instead of teaching her. I guess I might be selfish in a way... I realize that the talk will ‘clash’ with my Flea Mart event as I need 2 days in advance to prepare the rooms for Flea Mart. Hence,  the New Year Talk will have to shift to another venue instead.

Ruying came over to my table wanting to ask me to teach her how to stop accepting people for the talk. I told her there is no need to as I’m changing the location of the venue to another place. She seemed unhappy and send a message to my computer.

“Setup for fleamart cannot be done after talk? y? is it because we do not have manpower or not enuff time? (i just need to know for info)”

She sounded a bit harsh in her message and I feel bad and guilty at that moment in time. I send her 3 replies and apologize to her for not informing her earlier. She never replied in the end & I thought she is angry.

We spoke and all matters seems resolved after I instructed her to print out more registration forms for her events.

I find that I should treat her nicely. She is an executive after all and 2 ranks higher than me anyway... Treating her harshly will makes me suffer in future... I must change my attitudes towards her....

Wednesday 22 December 2004

Sitting in Aslena’s table with Cindy beside me. My computer at my desk had break down and hence had to do my work in Aslena’s desk (she is on MC for 2 weeks for having chicken pox) Kenny from IT came and told me my computer is having problem and he is taking it back to HQ for repair... Sucks.. quite alot of my files are saved in my desktop....  I worried about him discovering my blog entries in my desktop. I had a habit of writing my diary and saving it on my computer’s desktop when I got nothing much to do during working hours...

Going for salsa dance later.... was contemplating whether to make a trip down to Esplanade Library to borrow some DVDs... see how it goes..

Tuesday 21 December

Finding that I’m not doing much at work. Partly due to the fact that my computer breaks down. It has been down since Monday. Hence, I had to make shift at Aslena’s table temporarily. Finding that I’m not very friendly towards Ruying. I don’t know why but I feel threatened by her presence. Maybe because she is pretty and around my age too and she is in executive level while I’m in non-executive level. Feeling a tinge of jealousy which is not a good thing... Looking at the bright side, maybe I can motivate myself and do better in my work

I went to work today with a feeling that I forgotten to bring something but yet can’t recall exactly what items I need to bring. It is only when I reached office and saw lots of presents displaying under the X’mas tree and then I realise what items I had forgotten. I forget to bring my boss’s x’mas present! Shit! AAAARRRRGGGHHHH.... today is the exchange x’mas gifts day plus x’mas lunch for our club’s staff and I forgotten all about it!

I ran to Janet and told her I forgotten to bring. She nagged at me saying boss is a petty person and if I never give him present today, he will show a black face to everyone. I initially wanted to give the present to him tomorrow but after hearing what Janet had said, I decided to sacrisfy something... I ended up giving away a Hard Rock Cafe short glass that Guoyi gave to me as a gift he bought all the way from Sweden! Aaarrgghh... it was a painful decision because I really liked the gift plus it has sentimental value. Guoyi bought this for me specially in Sweden and I feel so bad about it. I sms Guoyi, lied and said my brother loved the short glass and whether he could purchase another one on my behalf and I would paid him the amount. He said he will keep a lookout for me when he is in overseas.

I gift-wrapped the present and was literally not concentrating on my work and was counting down to 12pm where the x’mas lunch will take place! Ann took an effort to prepare some x’mas food such as smoked ham, shepard pie etc... wow...

    & nbsp;      & nbsp;   &n bsp;

I went 3 rounds to grab the food! Can u imagine? Actually I wanna make a few more rounds since I’m not really full but I’m embarrassed to take so many plus other front liners had not eat yet. Had to restraint myself from taking anymore.

We took some pictures and I don’t looked nice in almost all the pics. =(

I chatted with Janet after working hours and ended up almost late for my ‘Body Beautiful’ package I won from Singapore Woman’s Weekly Magazine. Before that, I need to meet up with a flowerpodder as she is keen in buying my Maybelline’s eyeshadow. My appointment time with the lady is supposed to be 7.30pm but I ended up meeting her at 8pm. The lady looked quite mature and I suspect she is in her 30’s. I’m actually quite surprised because usually the pooders who bought items from me over flowerpod website looked very young and are all in their teen’s or early 20’s.

I rushed off to my ‘Body Beautiful’ appointment after passing the eyeshadow to her and I was afraid she might be suspecting something is wrong with the eyeshadow and I’m escaping away quickly after taking the money.

I was frantically trying to search for Shaw building. I went to Shaw House and was stunned to find they don’t have 27^th floor! I panicked and asked one of the passser-by. She suggested that the venue I’m looking for might be in another building which is the very building for Isetan Shaw Plaza. I went to their building which caters lifts up to office lobby. Entered the lift and stunned to find the lift buttons only indicate till 26th floor.

As I’m running late, I don’t care anymore and rushed into the lift. I alighted at 26^th floor and proceeded to search for an exit entrance with staircase and thought I could went up to 27^th floor by climbing up the staircase. I was stunned once again when I found that there wasn’t any staircase in the exit sign that leads to 27^th floor. I proceeded to take the next lift and feel relieved when I saw they had 27^th floor buttons stated in the lift.

I tried pressing the 27^th floor button but the lift just doesn’t go up. The down arrow appeared and it shows the lift is intending to go down instead. After waiting for around 20 seconds, luckily it appeared the up arrow indicating it is going up and I finally reached the venue - Inner Harmony Spa centre.

The place smelled of aromatherapy and essential oil. I was lead to a chair with a table in front of me and asked to fill out a questionaire about myself.

I filled up fast and waited there for about 10minutes before a beauty consultant came over and talked to me and explaining their programmes before I went for my ‘Body Beautiful’ treatment.

My impression of ‘Body Beautiful’ package is massage with essential oil but it turned out to be a slimming session instead. I was lead to a small room by another beauty consultant and was given a towel and disposable panties.

I changed quickly and the consultant came in proceeding to take measurements of my arms, thighs, waist etc. She asked me whether could I take off the towel and I did so. I’m standing with my bra and disposable panties while the consultant did my measurement. Feel abit embarrassed and I should have worn a nice looking bra instead. The bra I’m wearing is a nude Wacoal bra that is one cup bigger and hence it appeared loose.

I laid down on the bed and the consultant applied cooling slimming gel onto a pad and secured it with straps. She applied on my arms, calfs, thighs, waist, hip and after I’m ready, she switched on a machine. I can feel huge vibrations on the area that she applied the slimming gel and attached with a strap. I felt uncomfortable and the consultant explained the machine is trying to burn off the stubborn fats in my body. She did a head massage for me which lasted about 1 minute and explained abit on the slimming programme. Her tone sounds monotonuous and boring. I had a feeling she is lack-lustre and can’t be bothered,

After 30minutes, she switched off the machine and took a damp towel and wiped off the slimming gel. The slimming session is done and she proceeded to take my measurements again. There are some areas she reported to me that I had slimmed down by 1cm but I doubt so. But I admit I indeed feel a little lighter and not sure is it due to all the vibrations I had encountered that I ‘psychologically feel lighter’.

I changed into my clothes and was lead to the same waiting area. The beauty consultant whom attended to me first recommended packages for me and asked me whether am I interested to sign up with them. She was not pushy and I told her I wanted to consider. She never asked me the reason and gave me her name card straightaway. I’m impressed! Maybe I can consider going to their massage treatment next time. It only cost $68 for 55minutes.... Cost is quite reasonable plus it is situated at town area.

December 19 Sunday,

Surprise, surprise!! Is 10.18am Singapore time! Wow.. I'm up early on a Sunday morning. Already had my breakfast with rice, prawns and eggs.(yes, our family ate rice for breakfast sometimes)

Finally watched re-run of 1994 Reality Bites movies starring Ethan Hawke, Ben Stiller & Wiona Ryder.

This is the second or third time watching this movie. The first few time, I didn't really understand the movie as I'm busy eyeing on Ethan Hawke  :oops:

I liked the quotes in the movie. Some of my favourites are below:

Lelaina: Troy, aren't you excited?
Troy: I'm bursting with fruit flavor.

Troy: One of these days I'm gonna wake up, before noon-
Lelaina: Yeah right.
Troy: I'm gonna turn on the tv and there Bryant Gumble will be and he'll say, 'Today we have with us the Pulitzer-prize winning documentarian Lelaina Pierce. Lelaina, after your first film, 'Why Barbie is Bad', you seemed to have forgotten all about your best friend, Troy Dyer.'
Lelaina: Troy... who? What was that name again? Oh, right through the heart!
Troy: I'll probably be working at Whole Foods you know, playing warehouses and hanging around places like the Radio Shack screaming that I used to know you and you'll be there in the lights and all beautiful and shit.
Lelaina: Oh, Troy, no no no no no, that would never happen. They'd never HIRE you at Whole Foods.
Troy:: See Lainy, this is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks. (My favorite)
Lelaina:: You got it!

Lelaina: I mean, these job interviews, Troy... The word “vivesection” a staggering understatement. I mean, can you define irony?
Troy:: Its when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.
Lelaina: My God, where were you when I needed you today?

Lelaina:: Don’t just dick around the same coffee house for 5 years! Don’t dick around with her or with me! Try for once in your life do something about it! But you know what, you better do it now and you better do it fast because the world doesn’t owe you any favors. And whether you know it or not you’re on the inside track to loserville USA... just like him.

Lelaina:: I was really gonna be something by the age of 23.
Troy:: Honey, the only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina:: I don’t know who that is anymore.
Troy:: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again but I love her.

Vicky:: Lainy... sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship, c'mon.

I understand why there was so much hype over 'Reality Bites' back in 1994. I was 12 years old at that time and didn't know who was Ethan Hawke, Ben Stiller or Wiona Ryder at that point in time although I did see quite alot of Ethan's faces on magazines cover and interviews.

The movie is so cool & reflect the reality that most of us are facing right now. Undergraduates being paid lowly and talent not being dicovered and put to good use. Instead, we are all slougghing hard over meaningless jobs and we are all almost underemployed.

I can truly relates to the characters in the movie and I loved the ending too. Lelaine (Wiona) doesn't chose the nice guy with stable executive job, Michael(Ben Stiller) in the end and goes for her unkempt and unemployed best friend Troy (Ethan Hawke) I guess is always easier to chose someone whom you share with your happiness, sorrows and secrets with than somebody whom can only provide you with monetary happiness but not internal and emotionally bliss.

Anyway, it doesn't harm to have hunky Ethan Hawke starring in it! Makes me have another reason to watch re-run this movie again!

Dec 17, Fri

Had a boring date today. Meet up with Adrian in Cityhall for dinner before heading down to Union Square for salsa dance. Adrian was late and I ended up shopping around in Raffles city while waiting for him. I was browsing through some stores in search of Christmas exchange presents for my colleague. We had balloting and I'm supposed to purchase X'mas present for my boss.... Aarrgghh!! Stress... His christmas wish list is to receive a box of Macademia Nuts that Jimmy bought for him while he was on honey moon in Hawaii last month. Where on earth to get that particular brand? I initially wanna just purchase a box of Marks & Spencer Macademia Nuts for him but Janet suggested purchasing decorative items for his desk instead.

I decided to heed Janet's advise & managed to eye a cute decorative of clay flowerpots figurine to place on his desk and it only cost $10.40! Great~

Adrian arrived shortly & we decided to have dinner at Soup Spoon. He treated me as he was apologetic for being late. Great~ heehee...

Head down to Union Square and we were rather early. There wasn't much people there and we were too 'pai-seh' to dance since no one was at the dance floor. I decided to go down to Burger King to grab a bite and also chit-chat with Adrian. The chat was pleasure but I realised we had no sparks & chemistry at all.. sometimes I do wonder is my heart dead? It has been ages since I last feel for someone and I do longed that feeling again at times. I had went on dates with several guys but none fantasize me and I didn't managed to charm them too. I just remained casual friends with all of them. Adrian was telling me he went to Maldives this year on holidays and he was gushing to me how beautiful that place was. Makes me 'gian' of visiting Maldives... How I wished I'm on holidays!

We went back to Union Square at around 10.30pm and the this time, there were more crowds and there were several couples started dancing there...I danced with Adrian & Johnathan and I found that my dancing sucks big time. I was weraing the wrong shoes and I'm not able to do all those turning smoothly. Hence I ended up dancing barefooted and I never feel so 'malu'.

I'm not in the mood for dancing and I meet up with Guoyi at 11.30pm. We had late supper at Maxwell Food Centre and being a super nice gentleman. He accompanied me to eat even though he wasn't hungry. Actually I wasn't hungry too but I just feel like eating.. is just a bad habit of mine that I can't kick off.

We hailed a cab and proceed to Cineleisure for movies. I was already in super sleepy mood and nearly dozed off when we arrived at the venue. I always wanted to watch the French film 'Look at me' and Guoyi decided to give in even though he doesn't like to watch French film. Big mistake!

The show is super boring and I'm so sleepy and feeling cold that I didn't even enjoyed it ayt all. I longed to be at home, curling under my warm blanket and watching my DVDs instead. Boring friday night I had!

Saturday. December 18

I slept nearly more than 12 hours today yet I still feel very tired. I'm deprived of sleep for many days and today I just wanna reward myself by sleeping all day and not by doing anything and also watch DVDs in my bed during the wee hours on saturday night.

Bee send me an sms at 8.40pm asking me out for late night movie. I rejected as my area is super inacessible to go out plus I really wanted to stay at home, sufting the internet, wrapped myself with my warm blanket while in bed and watched DVD today. I just want to spend some time with myself and giving my much over-worked body a break....... Plus I'm broke.. Had spend $33 yesterday and doesn't want to spend anymore money. I am counting down to my much-awaited pay day and 13th month bonus!

Tue Dec 7

My robotics workshop event takes place today. No cork up so far... Heng!!

Have a date with Guoyi today. It had been 2 years since I last saw him. He keep on telling me he has put on weight and asked me not to be too shocked when I saw him. We agreed in meeting up for dinner in NYDC Cafe.

He appeared 10 minutes later and I still recognized him despite meeting him only twice 2 years ago.

He looked the same except that he didn’t wear any glasses and he cut his hair really short.

We ordered some food and I finally get to eat my ‘Farmboy salad’.... Yummy!

We chit chat a bit and we went off for a spin in his car with no idea where to head to. We finally make up our mind to go to Fisherman’s Village in Pasir Ris and finally I had the chance to go there. The atmosphere is very comfortable and romantic with dim candle lights on our tables. It is a perfect venue for couples to chill out.

The sea breeze was chilling and I had trouble concentrating on his conversation. He suggested going back home earlier and it is a pity because if the place is warm and not so chilling, I would have stay there a bit longer.

Wednesday Dec 8

Salsa lesson today. Learn a couple of new dance steps and I really feel I’m an idiot and slow in learning things. Other people whom have no dance background pick up things much faster than me and I feel so stupid.... Instructor June always spend some extra time to dance beside me and I always need additional coaching from her. That sucks big time.

Benny asking me out to go Zouk Mambo after my Salsa lesson. I agreed and I went there together with Adrian. I didn’t really enjoyed myself that night. Maybe is because I tried not to touch alcohol since my last drunk Mambo incident plus the music really sucks tonight.

It was 1.30am when I saw a guy (wearing black shirt) dragging his supposed girlfriend up the staircase where we were dancing. She was so drunk that she couldn’t walk properly. Wenlong nudged me and said I shouldn’t drink so much like her.. Hmm.. i guess he is hinting about the last Mambo incident to me. Anyway, the drunk girl was wearing a tube top and her whole breast was exposed after falling flat down to the ground.

I’m so shocked and was stunned there for a moment till Adrian told me to help her. I regained my composure and held her up to a chair and also adjusted her tube top. She even flirted flirtatiously at me!

The guy  in black shirt walked away and a plump guy who was sitting beside her started kissing passionately.  I was shocked to see that and Adrian even joked that I should pulled down her tube top even more instead of adjusting and pulling it upwards.

They kissed for several times and at one time, the plump guy was literally dragging her to the staircase as he wanted to left Zouk with her. I’m worried about the drunk gal and started nagging at the plump guy to carry her instead of dragging her out of the club. They left soon after.

We left Zouk after hanging around for a while. We saw the drunk gal again and we joked saying we have ‘show’ to watch. We could saw the plump guy explaining to the guy in white shirt(believed to be the gal’s boyfriend) and the boyfriend seemed very pissed off. We continued watching the drama unfold till they gotten inside a cab...

I shared a cab with Benny and reached home at around 4am... I still need to work tomorrow!!

Wed, Dec 01

My ‘Food Factory Tour’ event takes place today. I was at the club at around 8.10am and amazed to see some members are there already. I ran up to my office and take my files and folders before I headed down to meet the members. We departed the club at 8.45am and reached the first destination: Otah factory at around 9.05am. It is a very short tour and we finished it by 9.30am. Driver Derrick suggested going to the Soon Kueh outlet few doors away and the short tour finishes at around 10am.

We proceeded to the second destination: Pizzahut and I called up Yuying several times. I’m disappointed she is not there because it will be easier if she is around and she is experienced in conducting tour.

There is a slight cork up in Pizzahut. I don’t really know the way there and I make a fool of myself by confessing that I doesn’t really know how to get there to one of the member. (I should have checked out the venue before the tour) When we reached there,  the members are confused and I had to liase with the manager and place them in their respective seatings before the actual tour starts. After our lunch in Pizzahut, we proceed to the next tour: Jelly Factory

The factory is a very small venue and the tour ends at around 30minutes later. With some time left, Derrick suggested going to salmon factory nearby. I’m glad he is around. He manages to get the person in charge to agree to the tour due to his close contacts with them. Usually the salmon factory only allowed tours that are being booked 2 weeks in advance.

After the salmon tour, we went to the last destination: Bird Nest Factory.

It is just a very simple tour where we watched video, small tour around the factory and products touring after that. I’m tempted to purchase Bird Nest but it is so expensive and I’m so broke! I ended up purchasing Hashima and Herbal Jelly instead.

I feel so relieved that the tour has ended. At least there are no cork ups during the event. Phew!

Hesitated whether to go for my Salsa Class. I’m very broke and the session cost $90 for 6 classes. Adrian persuaded me to continue with it. I gave in and there goes my $90!

Thurs, Dec 03

Went to Pingyi Secondary at 8.30am. My club has an event there and since Audrey & Kelvin is not around, need to be there and over look the situation on their behalf. The soccer camp event is organized in a very messy way and I’m shocked at some of the way they handled things. ( We worked together with XYZ soccer school)

I left the school at around 9am and decided to take my own sweet time and ad MacDonald Breakfast over there. I was checking out the MacDonald membership when I realized I’m able to redeem a free MacDonald breakfast free using my member’s points. Haha... can’t believe my luck. Next time, I will make sure I will redeem every single points whenever we had group lunch or dinner at MacDonald’s... heehee....paying little and getting more points in return. =P

I boarded the bus back to club when I realised I left my EZlink card in MacDonald! Aaarrgghh.. although the card value only has $5.00... I would like to get back my card I hated to repurchase a new card again.

I made a call to MacDonald Bedok Branch and I’m disappointed to find that they can’t find my card. I was relieved when I received a call from them and they had found my card. Great~ I will head down to Bedok after work.

Managed to get back my EZlink card and I checked out the library in Bedok. I’m disappointed that I can’t find my Bridget Jones Diary.

I found a stall that sell cockles at cheap prices! Wow.. I’m a cockles lover and I ordered $5 worth of cockles and headed home.

I got a scolding fro my dad when he found out what I bought. He reprimanded me that cockles are dirty seafood and can easily get virus by consuming those..Aarrgghh... I thought they loved to eat cockles? I bought so much because I thought they of sharing the cockles with them....

Sigh.. It doesn’t pay to be kind to people sometimes...

Nov 24, Wednesday

Mambo Night! Yeah~ Had a date with Yanyi, Celine, Benny, Wenlong and my salsa pal-Adrian after my salsa course.

Wenlong came over to Tanjong Pagar to meet me and I took him to Salsa Bar in Union Square. I asked for his comments and he told me it is a pretty cool place to chill out. Ha…

Benny arrived and send us to Zouk. It was real crowded inside and I’m in the mood for partying! I guess the glass of beer I had in Union Square keeps the ball rolling for partying!

I drank several sips from Wenlong’s jars of Long Island Tea and I’m tipsy, drunk and real high! I danced like a chao ah lian and siao char bo!

I did enjoyed myself and I nearly knocked out after walking out of Zouk. I was vomiting in Benny’s car and I had trouble and making myself faking and acting sober. They had a hard time sending me home as they didn’t know how to go to my house. The last thing I know, I was lying on my sofa and my parents scolding me for drinking too much.

I’m making a fool of myself in front of the guys…

I called up the next morning apologizing for my behaviour and actions to Benny and Wenlong. I feel jealous when Benny expressed interest in Yanyi. To make things straight, I’m not interested in Benny but I just don’t like guys having an interest in Yanyi. I would rather they choose Celine. I guessed I’m pretty much jealous of Yanyi… I think I’m much prettier than her but I just don’t understand why guys would prefer to choose and woo her instead. I think I can’t forget the Herman incident and have been jealous of Yanyi ever since… Oh god! That is bad!!! Feeling jealous over your good friends!

I feel that I’m leading an extraordinarily crazy life. My life now revolve around partying, going out and hanging out late. I’m just a childish kid that doesn’t know how to think and wasting money on alcohol, clubs, pubs and entertainment!

Wed, Nov 24

Feeling a bit stressed out...over my work. There are alot of last minute changes and targets to meet. Feeling the anxiety and fear in my job... Is that a bad sign? My event is sometimes too unpredictable that I worry excessively. I worry about what happen if there is a cork up? What happen if it rains? What happen if members complain?

That is the nature of my job. Events job is always unpredictable.... that is what I like and hate about the job... I’m a worrier and always worry for nothing. Lousy at planning things and can’t be able to foresee what will actually happen during the event itself. Am I really suitable in doing events?

Monday, Nov 22

Does anyone dreaded about going to work & always drag themselves out of bed unwillingly to go to their workplace? I feel the same way as most people do and that is the state of feeling I’m feeling right now. I guessed must be the Monday blues I’m suffering in this early Monday morning.

Didn’t sleep well last night. Was up the whole night busy sufting net for Ethan Hawke’s information. You may think I’m crazy and yeah~ I also feel so. You might wanna ask why would you spend so much time on someone that doesn’t even know u exist in the world? Well.. I don’t know. It is some kinda of obession or hobby for me i guess.. haha.... I like Ethan Hawke since his Gattaca days which is about 7-8 years ago? My obsession on him is on a on-off basis but I do like him and support most of his film during these past 7-8 years..... It pains me to see that he is suffering and alone since his separation with Uma Thurman. It dawned on me on what is love again? It is such a painful, complex issue and you must make sacrifice and lots of hard work & effort for it to work. I read somewhere in articles that Uma & Ethan both still loved each other but it is just that their day-to day life issues doesn’t worked out..... Isn’t it sad? Imagine you loved someone but yet always end up quarrelling over & over again on same problem, same issue..... abit similar to Shiryee’s & Weide’s current state of relationship. Relationship will definitely strained because of constant quarrelling, frequent out-of town and their love got fizzled out since they didn’t see each other quite often..... When a relationship doesn’t work, the other party always feel tempted to seek for love outside which he/she had been lacking of from their significant other. That is why having an affair is so common in the world....That sucks.. I wouldn’t like to see this happen but we all humans make mistake. I think I might also do the same if I’m in this situation...

Having thoughts on quitting my job... let me see... I have been in this job for about 7 months only and I keep having these kinda thoughts..... I wanna ask myself why I have the thoughts and myself wasn’t quite too sure. I think I dread meeting dateline, targets and planning & coming up with some new, creative ideas. Isn’t all the job exactly the same in this fucking world? I feel incapable of doing event as I feel that I always cork up my events and seriously deep down inside, I’m a very disorganized person. How can a disorganized person plan events for others when she can’t even plan simple things for herself?

I don’t know what I want & yet I’m lazy to switch my job. Yes.. lazy updating my resume, sending resumes out, going for interviews etc... Do I need a long holiday break? I find that I don’t work hard enough to deserve a holiday break... Am I an irritating person? Yes I do...and always piss the hell out of people with my incapability of making up my mind.

I feel vulnerable in this adult world... I told Shiryee over the phone the other day about how I feel... She commented that I’m an extremely nice gal and I told her it doesn’t pay to be nice gal. At some point of time,  I do hope I can be more evil, bitchy, heartless. I’m too nice till people take me for granted, being bullied...  I think I’m out of my mind ....

Nov 18, Thursday

Meet up with Eric after my work. He agreed to watch Before Sunset with me. Yeah~ I had been wanting to watch this movie very much. Before meeting him, I had to borrow VCDs for my movie event on Saturday and hence arrived exactly on the dot to meet him.

When I saw Eric, hmm.. find that he become better looking.. maybe is the way he style his hair.. haha.. it has been nearly 4-6 months since I last meet him? We are both busy and never really have time to 'entertain' each other but he is still one of my closest guy friend.

Before Sunset is indeed a very nice movie and deserved the four star ratings that all movie critics are giving!! It is a sweet romance movie and I loved it to bits is because of all the meaningful dialogues they conversed thrughout the entire movie! I would seriously recommend it to anyone!

After movie, Eric & I had late dinner in Burger King. We chit chatted and he told me all his woes and frustration in his work.. Well, i do have frustrations too but in comparison to him. I think I'm much luckier than him....

He told me lots about his dating history and his love woes... I'm amazed and wondered aloud why he never told me til now? His amazing flirtatious dating history lasted for about a year and I'm being kept in the dark all along.

He expressed regret in hurting and choosing a not worthy gal in the end. He didn't handled the situation well when there are two gals fighting for his attention and most importantly his heart. I feel 'heart pain' when I heard his story... I'm his good friend and would love to see him getting happily attached to a nice gal. But in the end? He made a wrong move and give up a good gal instead.... Sigh... I also told him he is a jerk for treating and hurting the nice gal from all his actions he had done...

Are all guys blinded by love and always end up regreting in giving up a nice gal? We humans never treasured a true love until it is lost forever.......so ironical.....

He further relates he is losting track on how to chase a gal... He always treat a gal nice, cross over the friends borderary and ends up either hurting someone or is entirely unrequited love from his side... I feel affected by what he says and can only consoled him by saying maybe God wants him to experience all this before he found the true love.

We talked about 3am before we headed home. I need to work tomorrow and I had less than 3 hours sleep. Gosh!

Nov 19, Friday

Hanged around in my workplace a bit longer than usual. Supposingly to go home after 6.15pm but I'm clearing my stuff. Called up shiryee after she send an sms to me. We ended up chit chating and also catching up with each other.

I asked her about her relationship with Weide. It has hit rock bottom and their status is very shaky currently. I'm worried about her. She told me she has feelings for another guy-Darren after going out with him for only 2 dates. Initially I wanted to scold her why is she cheating on Weide and she explained she is not and her relationship with Weide has turned soured before she meet Darren. That is true anyway. I patiently listen to her side of story and agreed with her. She told me of what is her boss opinion in the relationship(she shares her story with her boss)

Even if Darren is not the guy who comes along but is another guy instead who showers her with lots of attention, love & care, It is easy for Shir to stray and be unfaithful to her partner.

Cheating is usually the easiest way to get out of a troubled relationship. Humans like to run away from the problems in relationship and seeking solace in another new budding relationship. That is the most irresponsible act but yet it is one of the most temptatious action. Who will reject any love, care, attention by someone else when you need it the most?

I advised Shir to think carefully and she might just have a lust for Darren instead coz he happens to be there for Shir at the right timing. I feel dishearted by what I heard from Eric & Shir. Love is such a complex matter & it is so hard to grapple with.

Nov 20, Sat

Had a major corck up in my event. I thought I had fully prepared for my movie event and yet it gets corked up. Minutes before the movie starts, I realised that the sound system is not working and there is no sound from the VCD that I had played. I got so panic and John-lifeguard helped me out with it. Turns out that the channel needs to be tuned correctly and as I'm using a different player(they changed to VCD player instead of DVD player) the channel used is also different.

I feel so incompetent and incapable of handling events... I feel so dishearted and I get affected by Audrey's comments," You have been in-charge of movie event for so many time yet you are so unfamiliar with the sound system?" I agreed I'm blur and know nuts about anything relating to sound system and euiptments in the theatrette... I'm angry with myself for being such a sotong head......

I thanked god for helping me to solve the problems and make the movie event went on smoothly.

I returned the VCD in Simei after the event before I meet up with Davina, Bee, Eelvin & Davina's house mate back in Australia. We had our dinner in Sushi Tei... Yummy` My favourite Japanese restaurant!

I treated myself with numerous plates of raw salmon, fish & tuna. I'm a sucker for raw thingy especially in Japanese cuisine.. haha! =P

Shir came and meet up later & ends up she is quarrelling with Weide again! She joined us for KTV session in K-box and we belted out lots of Chinese pop song and had fun til 4am....

I calculated that I had spend $50 in entertainment for one day alone! Hmm... I thought I had embarked on my saving journey to University's Mass Communication Course? With the rate I'm spending my money, I guessed I had to wait 30years to save enough for my university school fees... =(

Nov 16, Tuesday

Warning: Super duper boring bog!

Weather is gloomy & dark.... November weather is wet, wet & wet! Feeling boring at work and nothing to do... Actually I did have some work stuff to do.. just that I’m procrastinating it... which is an extremely bad habit that I had cultivated since young..... I am always procrastinating my stuff, work, personal life, goals etc.....

I wanted to go watch Before Sunset by Ethan Hawke. Sms Eric & Shiryee asking them out.... Shiryee have an appointment and can’t meet me for movies & I think Eric also cannot make it.....

I’m contemplating whether to watch this movie alone? I would love to swoon over him alone in the theatre and fanaticize I’m the female lead in the movie. Someone did ask me before why am I so crazy over Ethan Hawke.... I like him is because he is a passionate actor who believes and lives for art, shunning away from commercial films and typical ‘popcorn movies’. He is an actor who works hard but nobody notices his effort and being labelled pretentious by media. I believe he has a hard time last year with his much publicized separation from his wife Uma Thurman. I loved both of them and always thought they are one of the golden couple in Hollywood.

It is a pity that the marriage turned sour. There are rumours spreading he is cheating on Uma. I personally believes is true.... which guy in the world will be able to resist temptation even though he is married to one of the most beautiful woman in Hollywood? Good examples are Bill Clinton, Prince Charles, David Beckham and many more. I admit I do lose some respect for him andfeel kinda disappointed with him but I still admired his talent for acting, writing, stage performance and his passion for learning things.....

All I hope right now is that he is happy currently & doesn’t regret for whatever actions he had done. I’m not sure whether are Uma & Ethan both heading for divorce but I wished them all their best in their future endeavours.

Yours truly,

 Ethan Hawke’s die-hard fan from Singapore